top of page
  • Facebook
  • Apple Music
  • Spotify
  • Amazon
Search

Fathered First: How Living as a Son Transforms the Way You Lead


My dad died when I was six, two days before Thanksgiving.


My earliest moving picture memory was, of all days, from the moment my mom told me and my sister he was gone. The next is of me handing out tissues at his funeral, trying to comfort grieving guests. I was too young to comprehend the gravity of the earth-shattering loss my dad’s absence would leave in my sister and me. 


I didn’t shed a single tear until nearly a decade later. Then, the floodgates broke open. It scared me so much, I wanted to bottle all of that emotion away and never face it again. “Everyone experiences loss,” I reasoned, as I tried to erase my grief by ignoring it. 


I was a son with no memory of his father…and that fact shaped everything about how I viewed God as Father. 


Without knowing it, I lived for years with an orphan spirit that didn’t just impact my heart. It also greatly skewed my theology.


I had learned God was a Father, but I couldn’t connect to that image of Him. It was actually worse than that. My young vision of God was shaped more by fear than love. I remember locking myself in my bedroom as a kid, forcing myself to read the Bible, afraid of what might happen if I didn't. I feared judgment. I feared getting it wrong. I feared that I was a disappointment to God, who needed to hurry up and get his act together before He ran out of patience with me.


This quiet ache followed me into adulthood.


As I grew, I found community in a thriving youth group and eventually even stepped into ministry. I excelled in Bible college, was regarded as an emerging leader, and launched into the world of pastoral ministry. On paper, I looked like a spiritual success story. But inside, there was a constant, unspoken question:


Am I really wanted? Am I really enough?


Without realizing it, I turned every Bible study into an endless to-do list. Every verse became another demand. Another way I was falling short. Every sermon was an exhausting standard to live up to, keeping rest and joy just out of reach.  I burned with passion for God, but my life was fueled by insecurity and striving…and I somehow came to believe I wanted Him more than He desired me.


Then, ten years ago, God wrecked my world in the most beautiful way.


I was in Naples, Florida, at a moment of desperation, when I heard the Father ask, "Are you ready to stop being the protector of your reputation and start being the recipient of your identity?"

Something in me broke. The child who went into hiding on the day of my father’s death came out to live again. 


I said YES.


And from that moment on, I haven’t just followed God as my Lord—I’ve delighted in Him as my Father.


It has changed everything.


I stopped living to earn love and started learning how to live from it. Grace replaced guilt. Rest replaced striving. And for the first time, I understood that the way to truly lead was to live as a beloved son.


In Ephesians 1, Paul shares seven breathtaking truths about how the Father relates to us:


  1. He blesses us with every spiritual blessing.

  2. He chooses us before the foundation of the world.

  3. He contends for our wholeness, making us holy and blameless.

  4. He adopts us, not reluctantly, but in a pursuing love that refuses to be apart from us.

  5. He redeems and forgives us, before we ever get it right.

  6. He lavishes grace on us with wisdom and delight.

  7. He gives us an inheritance, not based on what we earn, but on who we are in Him. 


That’s how God fathers us.


And when we receive that love, we begin to reflect it.


Whether you're a pastor, parent, coach, teacher, or friend, you were never meant to lead from pressure, fear, or performance. You were meant to lead as someone who is deeply loved.


So let me ask:


Where do you need to stop striving and start receiving?


What would change if you let God Father you in this season?


You don’t have to figure it all out. You don’t have to fake it till you make it. The best thing you can do for those you lead is to let yourself be led by the One who adores you. Let yourself be fathered. That’s where it all begins.


So, Where Do I Start?


If this resonates with your heart, allow me to offer you five practical steps you can take this week to lower your guard and let His love in more deeply. Letting God father you isn’t a performance. It’s a posture. It means letting go of the pressure to prove yourself and embracing that He already knows you completely…and He chooses you, right now!


1. Start with the Father’s Voice, Not Your Inner Critic


Before you pick up your to-do list or your phone, take 30 seconds to pause and hear the Father say: “I bless you. I choose you. I delight in you.” When facing disappointment, ask Him, “What do YOU say?”


2. Trade Self-Protection for Trust


Are you guarding your heart against disappointment, rejection, or failure…always waiting for the other shoe to drop? Ask: “Where am I still trying to be my own protector?” Invite the Father into that place. Let Him speak truth where fear has taken root.


3. Show Your Kids (or Those You Lead) What It Looks Like to Be Fathered


You don’t have to have all the answers. Your kids and those you lead don’t need perfection; they need a window into your own growing-up process. Let them see you apologize, repent, learn, grow, forgive, rest, and receive. It will take the pressure off of you and remove performance from them!


4. Practice Receiving More Than Doing


Instead of always rushing to the next task, schedule moments in your day to simply be still and ask, “Father, what are You saying about me right now?” Write down His response. Don’t correct it—just receive it.


5. Revisit Ephesians 1 This Week


Read Ephesians 1:3-14 every day this week, not as a checklist but as a love letter. Ask: “What’s one phrase I need to believe today?” Then pray, “Father, show me how You are doing this in me right now.”


We don’t become better dads, leaders, or disciples by trying harder, but by looking higher. We become whole by being fathered. And the good news? The Father is reaching for you with open arms, right now!


 
 
 

2 comentários


Cheryl
17 de jun.

Powerful and well-written. Chuck, thank you for sharing your story. I love your deep journey with Jesus.

Curtir

Convidado:
16 de jun.

Truly Life Transforming Message!

Curtir
bottom of page