Where My Laundry Goes to Die

** I am HONORED to feature a guest blog from my very dear friend, Kaitland Taflinger! I have walked with Kaitland for over 20 years now, and I am astounded by the depth, beauty, humility, hunger, and compassion that flows from every fiber of her being. A wildly gifted communicator and creator, she is also the designer of my website. Kaitland and her husband Cody are ardent ambassadors for foster care, mom and dad to a precious 2 year old son, and voices that are NEEDED in the Kingdom of God. I just know you're going to LOVE her as much as we do! - Chuck

There is a magical chasm in my house where clothes go to die. Clean clothes, dirty clothes, and any number of things that need to simply… disappear. This chasm serves another purpose, one that should probably take precedence, but hasn’t for some time. It’s also my room. My sacred space. My safe space. Yet it’s anything but. The terrain is quite treacherous, with piles of laundry to be folded, hampers that need to be washed, toys that took a timeout, and boxes of hastily gathered things that never actually got sorted. You could get lost in there. 

Every weekend is a promise to clean up this chaotic circus and every weekend is spent doing the exact opposite. Between home studies, case manager visits, the occasional bit of hosting, and parenting a 2-year-old, our room takes the bottom of the list of priorities for getting done. After far too long being okay with this, it began to bother me in a way I couldn’t ignore. Slowly, I shifted from simply not caring what the state of my room was to greatly resenting every time I stepped through the door.

Desperate to know the peace of a clean room, I continued to make plans, but I never acted on them. One day, as Cody stated that he wanted us to prioritize folding and putting away all the laundry in our room, my mind immediately whispered, “Sure, but it will never happen. That room is where laundry goes to die”. I kept this thought to myself and promised, once again, that I would help and we would get it done.

I knew we wouldn’t. I took my frustration to the Lord and barraged him with many childish questions. Why do we both have to work full-time? Why is life so exhausting? Why do simple tasks feel so incredibly overwhelming? Why does it feel like we are the only ones struggling to keep our heads above the water sometimes?

Thinking I would receive comfort, peace, or some kind of encouragement to carry on, I sat silently in my despair. Instead, the Lord asked a question back.

“Have you noticed your room is a reflection of your heart?”

Ouch. As I began to dig into this question with the Lord, it became clear that my issue was not a messy room or an overwhelming list of things to do, it was the clutter that had come to die in the place that should be sacred - my heart.

As I walked through some of the darkest days and the deepest valleys over the last year or so, I had allowed things to pile up; questions I dared not ask, thoughts I dared not share, feelings I dared not free. I let my heart accumulate them with the ever-unfulfilled promise that I would take care of it tomorrow. I will ask the Lord tomorrow. I will sort my thoughts out tomorrow. I will confront my feelings tomorrow. Tomorrow is a land of promises that few will enter into.

I began to echo David’s prayer in Psalm 139:23-24:

“God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart. Examine me through and through; find out everything that may be hidden within me. Put me to the test and sift through all my anxious cares. See if there is any path of pain I’m walking on, and lead me back to your glorious everlasting way - the path that brings me back to you.”

The Lord, in his graciousness, began to show me the things we could do if I was willing to take one step at a time - to fold one thing and put it away, to look through the box I had shoved in the corner, to throw away the things I don’t need anymore. It will take more time than I would like and it’s going to be far messier than will be comfortable, but there is a potential that far outweighs its current state. Faithfully, God has stood beside me in the chaos, guiding, comforting, and encouraging me as I go; reminding me that small wins add up to become big wins and there is no deadline for healing. 

Slowly, our room is still reflecting my heart as, bit by bit, small things get done and it begins to feel more and more like the place of peace we want it to be. One less basket of laundry, one less pile of toys, one less pile of Goodwill finds that will find their way right back there. It’s not perfect. It never will be because life is just a reflection of whatever is going on in our hearts.

I love The Passion Translation version of Proverbs 4:23 “So above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life.”

I encourage you to look at the areas of life you live - your prayer life, home life, work life, community - and ask God how it’s going. If something seems stuck or hard, maybe it’s a call to look inward.  Even with my small and frail seeds of faith, He has faithfully protected and cared for the things I trust him with. 

 A new goal I have is to daily ask the Lord these questions and begin to intentionally plan my days with God rather than for God. I invite you to give it a try.

Questions for Reflection:

Ask God...

"Where do you want my focus today?"

"What is something we can work on today?"

"How can I make today the best day?"